


Why Do the Suns Set Just to Rise Again?

by MickeyTRN



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano is working through some stuff, Ahsoka Tano-centric, Emotional Hurt, Ezra Bridger is a good kid, Gen, Light Angst, Order 66, Phoenix Nest Summer Exchange, Phoenix Nest Summer Exchange 2020, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), star wars rebels season 2 era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25640695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MickeyTRN/pseuds/MickeyTRN
Summary: Ezra has questions about the Clone Wars.  Ahsoka hates that history insists on repeating itself.  Both know the value of a family found.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53
Collections: Phoenix Nest Summer Exchange 2020





	Why Do the Suns Set Just to Rise Again?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LazarusII](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazarusII/gifts).



> Don't worry about the timeline I certainly didn't. 
> 
> My contribution to the Phoenix Nest Summer Gift Exchange 2020. 
> 
> ~~
> 
> (I WILL update Not How Your Story Ends at some point I PROMISE)

It was a quiet day. Those were rare. 

Ahsoka leaned up against the hull of the Ghost, breathing in the early evening air. It was perhaps her favorite time of day. Still sunny, not so hot as to be stifling, but before the suns began to set and the chill set in. 

She’d been with the crew of the Ghost for a few days now, helping out “where she could” between missions. No one had said it outright, but for her, that meant assisting with Ezra’s teachings. Filling in any gaps in Kanan’s knowledge that she could. Not that she knew much more than he did - her own training being only fractionally greater than Kanan’s - but between the two of them, they were able to work out somewhat of a well-rounded curriculum for the boy. 

Today was lightsaber training. Ezra’s favorite. Not that she could blame him, every young Jedi she’d ever known couldn’t wait to get their hands on a lightsaber. It wasn’t until years later, when they could fully comprehend what holding that weapon truly meant, that the excitement wore off. 

Out of everything, Ezra’s lightsaber training was perhaps the least conventional aspect of their teachings, hobbled together from holos and whatever relevant forms she and Kanan could impart to him. But with Ezra being a single blade user, Kanan’s knowledge being almost entirely based in Form III, and her primary expertise being specifically in Jar’Kai, they ended up being far more reliant on the holocron than she preferred. 

She couldn’t put to words the emotions she felt the first time she’d seen Ezra watching those holos. The first time she saw his face again, as gentle and guiding in capture as it was with her. And now, there was something disturbing and entrancing about watching Ezra practice those forms. Fear and hope in seeing history repeat itself, even in such a small way. 

She wondered if she should feel concerned about the amount of similarities she could draw between Ezra and Anakin. They both were excitable, motivated to a near-overwhelming degree. Both impatient, eager to take matters into their own hands, even if they weren’t exactly prepared to do so… or motivated by the right reasons. They’d both rather turn themselves into the butt of a joke before confronting their own feelings. But above all else, there was that light in their eyes despite the horrors they had seen. She still wasn’t sure whether to fear that light or revere it. 

Finishing another drill, Ezra retracted his lightsaber and drew an arm across his brow. His shoulders dropped and his body shuddered as he sighed. With a stretch, Ezra turned towards her, his eyes wide and searching. 

“Hey, Ahsoka!” He was cheerful while his eyes scanned her, as though he were trying to read her every thought through her posture. His eyebrows knit at what he apparently saw. “Is something the matter?”

That was another thing Ezra and Anakin had in common. Empathy. They were empathetic, but rough around the edges. Always trying to make people smile, even if it didn’t quite land. 

“Uhhh… Hello? Ezra to Ahsoka? Do you copy?” 

Ahsoka blinked, realizing how engrossed she had become in her own thoughts. Enough so that she’d forgotten that he’d even addressed her in the first place. 

“Sorry, Ezra. Just lost in thought. What’s up?” 

“I was uhhh… having some trouble with this one drill,” Ezra motioned towards the holocron, the paused image of Anakin mid form still flickering above it. “I was wondering… well, I know he was your master and stuff…” 

She couldn’t help but chuckle at the way he stumbled over his thoughts. It was something he would’ve done. They were scrappy, they weren’t diplomats. 

“Of course, Ezra.”

~~~

“Man, it really must have been something to fight alongside him,” Ezra smiled, taking a sip from the drink package Kanan had brought him not too long ago. The suns were starting to get lower and lower in the sky and the pair had decided to call it a day and spend the last few moments of daylight just enjoying the sunset. 

“I mean, not that it’s not nice to fight with you and Kanan! I mean, not WITH you and Kanan but like, next to you…” 

Ahsoka laughed. It was warm. Gentle. Ezra couldn’t help but bring out that side of her. They were endearing like that. 

She smiled, letting herself just for a moment be overtaken with nostalgia. 

“Honestly, it was… unforgettable.” 

Ezra smiled, his eyes bright with that curiosity that she would be so tempted to label naivety had she not known better. It was infectious. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. She could feel the air begin to grow colder in her lungs as day turned to night. For just a moment, she let it fill her - consume her - before returning to the present. Her smile felt bittersweet against her tongue. 

“But it was more than the fighting,” she continued. “More than the war. Just like you and the Ghost crew, we were as much of a unit outside of the battlefield than we were on it.”

Ezra’s eyes widened. He turned his body to face her, leaning toward her like a youngling waiting for the ending of a tale, urging her to elaborate. 

“Anakin, Obi-Wan, Rex. All of the clones. We looked out for each other. We made each other smile. We were a family. The only family I’d ever known.” 

Ezra cocked his head. 

“What about your birth family? Did you know them at all?” 

Ahsoka sighed. Her smile faltered for a fraction of a second. She couldn’t fault him for asking. It was a question most people had. It was just… complicated... how she felt - in retrospect - about the Jedi’s practices of recruiting children. And, if she was being honest with herself, she’d prefer to be able to push it to the back of her mind. Lock it away where she didn’t have to look at it. Didn’t have to admit that there were faults in the world she grew up in and idealized. 

“I don’t remember much of them, in all honesty.” That was true. Although she remembered the day she had first been discovered by the Jedi very well, most of the faces that came before remained shrouded and blurred in her mind. “The Jedi had found me when I was very young. I was raised in the temple. I wouldn’t recognize my birth family, even if there is a chance that they’re still alive.” 

Ezra’s eyebrows knit together, his forehead wrinkled and eyes far away in thought. Tragic as it was, his story had been so much different than hers. It had to have been a bit overwhelming. 

“Just like Kanan,” he spoke slowly, thoughtfully, as though he were assembling the pieces of a puzzle in his mind. “That’s… kinda sad.” He turned toward her, almost looking for some sort of validation for his assessment. 

“I can’t really mourn what I never had,” she looked off in the distance. Just a sliver of sunlight remained above the horizon. “And… I guess, despite everything… I wouldn’t trade the family I found for the one I never really knew.” 

Ezra smiled. She knew that he - of all people - understood the value of a family found. 

“What were they like? Outside of the war, I mean?” 

Ahsoka smiled. This was an aspect of the story she didn’t mind sharing at all. 

“Well, you know Rex. He hasn’t changed much.” She chuckled. “He’d bend over backwards to make me smile.” She thought about that day. The last day. A whole legion, their helmets painted with her markings, all to welcome her back. He’d never admit it, but she knew it had Rex’s idea. She tried not to think about how quickly such a sweet gesture turned so ironic and cruel. 

“He knew my strength, but he still had this… protectiveness over me. Over all his brothers.” 

Ezra nodded, a quiet hum under his breath signifying that he understood. 

“Obi Wan always tried to keep this stoic exterior, but he had a playful side. It was playful in a really corny way, but that’s just who he was.” 

Ahsoka looked down. All traces of sunlight had drained from the sky, and she could feel Ezra’s eyes boring into her. 

“Anakin…” His name came out more as a breath than a statement. Spoken as delicately as a prayer. “Anakin was one of the most loyal people I had ever known. He stood beside me, even when no one else would. The whole Jedi council - the people who took me in, the only people I’d ever known - they were so eager to cast me out at the first sign of wrongdoing. They wouldn’t even bother to take the time to hear me out. But Anakin… Anakin never gave up on me. Not even once. Even when he probably should have.” 

The ghost of a smile passed over her lips like a shadow. 

“He was stubborn, like that.” 

It became quiet for a moment, and Ahsoka could tell Ezra was sitting on something. 

“How did you forgive them?”

That, she had to admit, was not what she had been expecting. She looked to him, his features becoming harder and harder to read in the creeping darkness. 

“What do you mean, Ezra?” 

Ezra avoided looking her in the eye, as if he was still weighing whether or not his question was appropriate. 

“The clones,” he whispered, like it was some sort of curse. “Kanan told me what happened. That they turned on the Jedi. Killed their friends. Their family. How… How could you forgive them? Rex and the others? All the ones who didn’t defect?” 

It wasn’t an unfounded question. She knew what had happened to Depa. What Kanan had seen. How he reacted when she sent them to Rex, Gregor and Wolffe. He’d been so young at the time of Order 66, she couldn’t imagine how he must have felt. 

But then again… couldn’t she? 

Betrayal. There was no worse heartbreak than having to run from the only people you’ve ever loved. And yet, she had experienced it over, and over, and over again. 

Barriss, the Jedi Council, the clones… Anakin. 

She steeled herself. 

“Honestly?” Ahsoka looked at Ezra. But in that moment, she didn’t just see Anakin, but herself too. And because of that, she knew he’d understand. “I’m stubborn. Way too stubborn to let my family go that easily. I guess I get that from my master. That day… it felt like the whole universe was coming down around me. When I felt what they were doing… All the people I knew I’d never see again… I knew I had to do what I could to salvage whatever family I could. If that meant having to forgive, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” 

Ezra looked surprised. She couldn’t blame him, it wasn’t typical of her to speak with such vigor, especially around him. But thinking back, reliving the past, it had lit a fire in her. 

“Weren’t you afraid?” His voice was small. He drew his knees to his chest. He looked and sounded more like a youngling in that moment than she had ever seen him. “Weren’t you afraid that they’d turn on you again? Are you afraid right now?” 

Ahsoka looked to the sky. She could see the stars beginning to poke through the clouds. Great constellations and celestial bodies illuminating the sky above them, even if not so brilliantly as the suns. 

“Every day. That fear is always going to be living somewhere in me. But, if I let that fear control my life, I’d never know love again. Never let anyone get close to me again. I couldn’t live like that. Could you?” 

Ezra turned, staring up the ramp of the Ghost. There was a soft light spilling out of the dock, and soft peals of laughter and conversation could be heard faintly coming from within. He smiled in a way that didn’t quite reach his eyes, humming a single note from deep down in his chest. 

“No. No, I couldn’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Join the Rebels Discord! https://discord.gg/mqU6mN


End file.
